today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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