is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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