I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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