My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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