please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize