We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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