is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize