would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize