That's intense
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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