I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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