last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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