I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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