I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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