he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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