If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
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Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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