He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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