i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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