I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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