i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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