There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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