well I can't set my house on fire every night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize