I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize