and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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