K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize