finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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