pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
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My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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