i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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