tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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