So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize