I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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