I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize