Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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