I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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