i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize