did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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