I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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