My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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