i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize