I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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