The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize