Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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