Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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