I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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