no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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