I'm gonna have a badass scar
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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