once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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