is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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