You really coming over, don't trick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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