She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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