matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize